Saying NO - a practical approach
It's likely that you can think of a recent example of when you wish you'd said NO instead of agreeing to something. We all do it. So why is it so hard to express our NO's? And how can we improve this skill?
Learning to say no is a powerful skill that can dramatically improve the quality of your life. It allows you to set boundaries, reduce stress, and devote time to what truly matters to you. When you say no, you make your yes even more meaningful and take control over your time and choices.
Practicing these techniques will help you feel more empowered but also show others that you value your own needs and time. When you show how you want to be treated, others will follow...
WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF SAYING NO?
A fear of reaction is one of the main things that causes us to say Yes when we mean No.
We can worry a lot about what other people's reaction will be if we behave a certain way. Worrying what they'll think of us or what they might do if we decline their request. These fears can make it tough to say no, especially when there's a lot to lose in business or personal situations.
Personal Life
Imagine your friend asks you to help with a project you're not interested in. You worry saying no might hurt their feelings or damage your relationship. This fear of causing upset can override your own needs, leading you to reluctantly agree.
In Business
A customer asks you for something that's outside of the scope of your agreement. You're already overwhelmed with your task list but the fear of seeming uncooperative or lazy might compel you to accept, despite your better judgment.
Client Interaction
A client requests a rush job that would mean working overtime all week. You're tempted to say yes to maintain goodwill, even though it would mean sacrificing your personal and rest time.
"When you say no, your yes means more."
PRACTICAL TOOLS TO PRACTICE SAYING NO
Preparation is key here. Prepare and practice specific phrases to make saying NO feel more natural and less confrontational. When you hear yourself say this out loud it will become more familiar to you, so when you need to say it to someone else it won't feel as weird or difficult.
Here are some strategies to confidently deliver a no:
Own Your "No"
Understand and accept that it's okay to prioritise your needs and limits. Practice phrases like, "I appreciate your offer, but I can’t commit to this right now."
Kind Refusals
Approach the delivery of your no with kindness and sincerity. For instance, "I really wish I could help, but I'm not able to take on any more responsibilities at the moment."
Make It About You
Instead of focusing on the negatives of the request, keep the refusal about your own needs. Say, "I need to focus on my current commitments, so I won't be able to dedicate the time needed for your project."
Practice Out Loud
Say your prepared phrases out loud in a mirror or during a quiet moment so they come more naturally when needed. Hearing yourself say these words helps build confidence in your ability to use them in real situations.
Reflect on Past Experiences
Consider times when you wish you had said no, and think about how those situations could have been handled differently. Use these reflections to strengthen your resolve to say no in the future.
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TRY THIS…
Spending some time journaling on this can be really supportive.
The more you strengthen your relationship with the word NO the easier it will be to maintain your boundaries and energy. Here are a few simple questions that help with exploration.
1) When was the last time I wish I'd said NO in a situation? If I could re-live that moment, what exact words would I have preferred to use instead?
2a) What do I feel when I want to say NO but I say YES instead? Where do I feel that in my body?
2b) The next time that comes up and I feel that physical sensation, what is the kindest thing I can say to myself in order to acknowledge it's presence but not fight it? When we do this the uncomfortable feeling is more likely to move on and flow through us more quickly than if we fight it.
3) How can I model saying NO to other people that I care about?
Good luck! And have some fun with this too...
Bringing a sense of lightness to our inner work helps to learn new ways faster and in more depth.