What is it about certain situations that makes you feel stressed?
If we were having coffee right now and I asked you what stressed you out, you’d probably be able to tell me a few things without even thinking about it.
But have you ever wondered exactly what it is about those things that make you feel stressed?
For example, if I spend a long time preparing a workshop and a fuse blows so the electricity cuts out and my computer looses the work, in my body I will instantly feel a churn in my stomach, a rush of energy and I’ll feel irritable. I’ll be thinking something like “ah, that’s so annoying”, “what a complete waste of my time!” and “this is so typical for this to happen now when I need this done by the end of the day.”
So now I feel irritable and I’m blaming the power cut, and myself for not saving the work sooner and I feel like I’ve wasted my time and I’m generally annoyed. I’m stressed.
What’s happening here is that I’m not accepting the situation for what it is. I’m wanting it to have been different. I wanted the electricity to have stayed on until I could save my work.
It sounds simple but the definition of stress is wanting something to be different from how it is.
This is one of the 8 attitudes of mindfulness, acceptance. And it’s an important one.
It’s not that we can’t attempt to change or better things, like a toxic relationship, a poorly paid job, a dictatorial regime etc. It just means that our start point is an understanding and acceptance of what actually IS in the first place.
You can want things to be better and work towards that, but at the same time holding the knowledge and truth of how they are now. And this gives a much more grounded starting point.
Try this with something small. Like when you stub your toe on the bed (something I do a lot!). See how it feels to just accept that it’s happened. Try not to blame the bed for being in the way. Or to blame yourself for not paying attention to what you were doing.
Your mindset informs how you feel about the situation. And if you’re thinking like that, you’ll soon feel stressed.
This attitude of acceptance also works really well with other people. We might not be aware of it but most of us would like our friends, family, partners, children or colleagues to be different than they are in some way.
Certain behaviours trigger us to feel annoyed or hurt or betrayed etc. But they are just being who they are. Accepting someone for exactly who they are in that moment, removes the fight and struggle. And without that we are free. Calm. Balanced.
And that’s not to say that we should agree with them or condone certain behaviours. It means that we accept that IS who they are. Right now. And they are doing their best, just like everyone else, to meet their needs. We don’t have to spend time with them but in accepting them, we let go of any striving to change them (which never works).
If you try this out I’d love to hear if it made a difference to how you felt. In that moment…
Life is short and we need all the tools we can get to make it an easier, happier experience.
🌿
To learn more of these valuable tools check out Kate’s mindfulness based stress reduction course here.
* photo by Marcos Paulo Prado
